Archive for December 2007

cya07

December 29, 2007 by j.

Whoops, it’s been a busy month. I’ve thought about much recently, so this entry is going to be a brain dump before the new year arrives. I can’t believe that 2007 is coming to a close!

Have you ever had a moment where you realized that you are teetering on the edge of a precipitous moment in your life.. suddenly keenly aware that your words, your actions, your very thoughts will somehow take you irreversibly one way or another? The easiest example of this might be a conversation with a boyfriend (or girlfriend).. one of those “last” conversations where you’ve both said just about everything there is to say, multiple times, and there’s that long heart-stopping pause where you suddenly realize that the next words spoken are going to be really important in some way. Somehow, you know that the other person just hit the same exact thought, and so you stand together in pregnant silence, hearts racing… willing time to stop before it happens and you can never go back. That’s both exhilarating and devastating, isn’t it? An ending and a beginning, all in one. You become imbued with a sudden super-awareness of every action, every gesture, because it’s all so terribly important, this very moment, this turning point. You’ll always remember it.

I feel like the last few weeks of my life have been held in this exact variety of suspended state.. like something really big is on the horizon for me. I’m thrilled and terrified both, and I don’t even know what it is.. I just know that whatever I do next moves me towards something, something that’s been written already. For weeks now, I’ve been going through the motions in a haze.. I wake up and feel that pregnant silence hovering over my head, and everything I do is ingrained with that super-awareness - I have to remember this, I just have to. And I don’t even know why. Come on, Buddha, Baby Jesus, Jew God… show me what you got! I’m ready.

You know, the best part of the best drug in the world isn’t the
high. It’s the moment just before you take it. The dice are
dancing on the table. Between now and the time they stop,
that’s the greatest high in the world.
- Two For the Money -

Also, what is up with the love affair between car dealerships and helium balloons? I drove by one of those car showrooms the other days, the ones with the floor to ceiling glass walls lit with gloriously white flourescent lights - they had the most impressive giant bouquets of helium balloons scattered around the showroom. They were carefully arranged by color.. a bunch of red balloons in the center, surrounded by circles of yellow, black, and white ballons radiating outwards such that the finished product resembled what a very patriotic German paratrooper might look like from a distance. Aside from these balloon sculpture travesties (and there must have been at least.. four of them), there were also very festive strings of helium balloons strung up all over the darn showroom. It looked like the Price is Right winning the lottery on a Carnival cruise ship at Christmastime. In Germany. I know you know what I’m talking about…. and I’ve never seen a car dealership with sad wilty balloons, so that must mean that they replace these balloon artworks daily - and that means what… 843951 little pieces of rubber go needlessly to the landfill every day so that we can feel like we’re buying cars at the carnival? And for what - I’ve never once heard someone say “I was really on the fence about shelling out 45,000 for a car that uses too much gas.. but they had more balloons than the Honda dealership you know?”

A top headline on CNN right at this very moment: Tiger Attack a Blow for Zoo. Ya think?

Bye, 2007.

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