April 27, 2007 by j.

Experimenting with a photoblog (see page markers at the top)…. Visuals say so much more about my daily life than any words ever could. I’ll try to update it with a photo daily.

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April 25, 2007 by j.

Nighttime. Driving down the highway with her windows down, the girl hopes that she would be lucky enough to go unnoticed yet one more night, with her one working headlight and expired vehicle tags. She makes a mental note to call a mechanic in the morning to get some minor repairs scheduled. The cool air breezes away the tensions of the day, and she breathes deeply and wishes for a cigarette, the one that is only desired when the mind and body are relaxed at last.

She’s finally found a moment’s clarity where who she is becomes clear.. a perfect storm? Lately she’s taken to wearing a rosary around her neck even though she isn’t Catholic, out of sight but close to her heart to remind her to stay focused on whatever greater purpose may exist. She flicks a glance in her rear-view mirror. He wants so much from her, much that is deserved and much that remains to be asked for… but how much to give, how much to give? How much will be enough? She touches the tiny crucifix now, thinking in this rare moment that she has been brought to this point in her life, in his life, by a cosmic karma. There is a reason. It makes so much sense that it dazzles — the feeling is oddly disorienting, and the girl blinks with a sense of deja vu.

A quiet joy settles in her belly. Cosmic karma or no, she has not forgotten who she is or how she got here. Lessons etched into her soul by time aren’t easily forgotten.. but seem to have been temporarily suspended.

Driving down the highway, towards the man’s house. Anticipation roils.

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April 19, 2007 by j.

60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For
Ketchup Packets
Death and Taxes

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April 16, 2007 by j.

Fuck. Taxes are due today, aren’t they? Fuck. Fuckety fuck.

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April 16, 2007 by j.

It’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep. Cate Blanchette is beautiful. I’m going to make a list of famous people that I think are beautiful - beautiful and nice-to-look-at are two different things, dontcha think? I’ve also been shopping for jewelry lately and become intimately familiar with a number of jewelry designers - I like designers with soul and character AND an intricate understanding of order in beauty (sorry, but if your jewelry was made by needlenose pliers and variations on the glass bead, you do not have this understanding.)

I’m about to blow 1100 bones on an antique Greek locket. Perhaps this is a decision that should wait for morning.

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April 14, 2007 by j.

I woke up early this morning to attend Evong’s father’s funeral. The sun was shining and the air smelled fresh. The widow and her two daughters stood by the priest and alternated between soft crying and looking on listlessly as if waiting for a great black hole to swallow them up. The ceremony was in Korean so I did not understand most of it, but the shared grief was evident and when they began singing hymns softly in Korean, the sadness swelled and congealed into something I wanted to reach out and touch. I watched Evong and saw strength and grace, masked by disbelief. Evong, my heart. You are beautiful.

Shortly after the burial, it began to rain.

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April 9, 2007 by j.

I know I’ve had a lack of fun posts lately, and a series of heavy ones. Apologies - there has been little to rejoice about and much to mourn lately. But we move forward.

This photo was from JB’s birthday two weeks ago. The attire has little to do with stealth and everything to do with kicking ass. Hoo-ah!

Oh and a girl and a hot dog. You understand, right?

Additionally, my Mario and I are doing quite well and have worked through a few of what I consider key defining moments. He is unlike anyone I have ever been with and he moves me in a way that I don’t entirely understand myself. I am glad he is who he is. Don’t change a thing, darling. Mislim da smo dobar par, ljubavi moja. Volim te!

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April 4, 2007 by j.

Wow so… this is apparently the year to get married. Congrats to Janet & Charlie, Steve & Kristin, Wen-szu & Karen, Cheryl & David. Hooray!

So I ran into a guy in my building that I exchange meaningless nods with on occasion, and our exchange went something like this:
Him: Hey, how are ya?
Me: Nothing. What’s up?
Him: Great. Good. Fine.

Communication is my fortaaaaaaaaay, beeyatch!

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