April 29, 2006 by j.

“thank you for smoking” is really really good. go see quickly.

also. if you are a member of an annoying threesome of late teenage korean fobs that enjoy hanging out in the back row of a movie theater talking loudly and continuously about your friend who has cancer, and then have to take turns explaining to each other what just happenned in the movie, which you MISSED because you were running your sorry mouth about so-named cancer patient who was unfortunate enough to have the three of you sorry unsupportive assholes as friends - STAY. HOME. jesus fucking christ. sorry jesus hail mary, full of grace..

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April 29, 2006 by j.

it’s fucking freezing. what the fuck.

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April 26, 2006 by j.

Two useless factoids. First, I have just finished eating half of a pizza (thin crust!), half of a frosted chocolate bundt cake from Wegman’s, and half of a 2-liter of diet coke.. symmetrical and yet, not. Second, there is a ginormous round cloud hanging low outside of my window in the same fashion as the alien spacecrafts of Independence Day. Doooooom.

Is Wes Anderson really this dude I see on TV right now? He looks like he’s 18.

Ah springtime. Brain rot.

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April 26, 2006 by j.

I’m kind of goofing off at work today because it’s huuuuump day! Who wants to get humped?? I DO.  Here are some random stuffs to share with all of you lovelies:

This had me literally rolling in my cubicle for a good 15 minutes of silent laughter… it’s 4 mins long and you think it’s going to get old but it just keeps getting better!! Needs sound (not dirty), but be warned that you’ll probably want to keep it turned down somewhat. Headphones if possible. Screaming good fun: http://www.askmen.com/video/2006_apr/apr16_.html

Today was company-pays-for-ice-cream day at my office, following in the heels of Ben & Jerry’s big day yesterday. If you’ve never tried salted whole cashews on cookie dough ice cream before, I recommend it. Butterscotch over strawberry is also a surprise. Mint choc chip goes nicely with double fudge flavor. Oh, and vomiting in the wastebasket is generally frowned upon by upper management…. :-X

Kidding! Vomit away!

For American Idol viewers, did anyone see McPhee’s dress pop open during a climactic moment near the end of her song? The split down the front of her dress kind of… popped and swung open when she took a dramatic lunge forward in one of those i’m-gonna-eat-my-mic poses. Swung open enough that you could see her yellow panties - I didn’t know we were supposed to match our panties with our evening gown, which makes me wonder if the pop was a staged one. Cheap gimmick to get votes - how is Chris supposed to compete with that? Have his pants accidentally fall off? Doesn’t matter anyway, because everyone I’ve talked to couldn’t tear their eyes away from McPhee’s cleavage long enough to notice nuthin. Ah, the power of the boobage.

I close with this image of myself karaokeing several weeks ago, raging angrily against the machine as you can clearly see… perhaps this is in response to Springsteen’s call to kill the yellow man. WHAT is up with that??

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April 24, 2006 by j.

What’s up, you whore???? (see link below )

Wow I haven’t updated this thing in a long time! Hello spring slump. Ok a lot has gone on, I guess I’ll just hit the high points of the last several weeks: Gorgeous weather we’ve been having! This weekend we just hung around a lot chillin and grillin, v reminiscent of the old college days when the only plans to be made (that we cared about anyway) were where to stuff our faces next. Watched movies, played xbox, smoked hookah. Lay around staring at the ceiling. Total throwback. Which reminds me.. On two separate occasions now in the last few weeks, and in two separate homes, I have knocked over the hookah pipe and set the carpet on fire with the coal. I also made a new friend, and then promptly burned his forearm by dropping a coal on him. Or branded him, I should say. He got back at me by dropping the hookah pipe in the kitchen and shattering the glass part into a zillion pieces. No more hookah for jeannita

I got a tan from roasting at a BBQ outdoors, and a fly new haircut. Going to be so stylin’ when I go to Spain in June to lie on the Spanish beaches and sip Spanish limonada. Did you know that “bikini” actually is a grilled ham and cheese sandwich? We learned that in Barcelona last year. Speaking of, also ordered some el neato software-o online-o that is supposed to teach me how to converse in Spanish in a matter of hours. It is currently en route to me, care of our polygamist friends in Utah. So far, I have learned to tell our Spanish friends that I have an urgent need to go to the bank. Should come in useful at some point!!!

OH, and how could I forget.. who’s this?!?! 

Guess who saw Chappelle in the FLESH, and front row to boot!!! He played at the Improv two weeks ago and street price on tickets was well over 200 buckaroos, but I know a guy who knows a guy who’s friends with a guy… and got in for free, sitting right up at the stage. He’s talking about jerking off while eating cereal, in the second shot.. splains why his leg is up on the stool. He calls that the “masturbating position.” These pics are courtesy of my camera phone, I got a few rounds off before the waitstaff began confiscating phones. (I posted thumbnails only here, the actual pics are bigger!!) He was totally hilarious of course, but it was really weird seeing him in 3 dimensions. Like when Homer reaches the nexus of the cartoon universe and pops out into main street USA, and he looks so… round.

Funny link - http://lifestyle.msn.com/men/articlees.aspx?cp-documentid=413608&GT1=7997

I leave thee with this little nugget of wisdom:
Dude, if the nachos are stuck together… that’s one nacho.
– Jack Black

Will update more frequently. Later skater.

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April 2, 2006 by j.

Just saw a pretty disturbing commercial for pork (part of the “the other white meat” campaign), where a pork chop and an apricot declare their undying love for each other in an accent - possibly French - before diving into a blazing fireplace together in an apparent suicide pact. Camera cuts to someone’s dinner plate, which is an apricot-glazed pork chop. Eek.

Lie-around-in-balmy-breeze-while-staring-at-the-sky weather continues blissfully in DC, I have done nothing today but watch movies on cable and eat beef jerky in the couch in my jammies. Right now I’m watching “the secret life of cookies” on the food network. They’re examining fortune cookies at the moment.  Sunday is my favorite day of the week.

Do you ever wonder what Nicolas Cage and Sarah Jessica Parker’s baby would look like?

Friday went on a date (*giggle*) with Kevin, had BBQ on M street - got sidelined by a dude doing magic tricks and asking for handouts, a shoutout to Dan from Burke who can do amazing things with rubber bands and playing cards, you truly are a David Blaine-esque sleight of hand master and I apologize for thinking the entire time that you were trying to rob us. Then we sat at the waterfront looking impossibly sexy and people-watching other impossibly sexy people, before the rain got us and we decided we were in a hurry to get home and do… other stuff.

Last night we went to Hector’s house to watch underdogs GMU lose dismally, though valiantly. Everyone spoke spanish and was totally nice, but I felt like a sped because I can’t say anything in spanish beyond stuff like “asshole” and “dummy”, which isn’t useful in a family environment - sorry grandma! They had some really yummy beans at dinner. Afterwards we went back to Georgetown again where we got racially discriminated against at a hookah lounge, and then ended up at an Italian restaurant-slash-lounge that serves $9 glasses of wine gleefully to suckers like us. Oh well, it was still nice to be out and about.

My windows have been wide open all day and my place smells amazing. This weather is God’s Prozac.

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