May 20, 2009 by j.

A conversation over lunch confirms that I’m still as mature as a suckling pig.

Tim: You didn’t do it? (no clue what we were discussing)
Me: Yer mama did it.
Tim: Hey. Get off my mama and I’ll get off yours.
Me: Ohhh is that why she’s laughing so hard?
[heaps of hysterical laughter]

Hysterical Google Trends
President Spock
Jedi Nuptials
Monkey Kiss!
Things we should be thankful for (a thoughtful read)
Scary Dog

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May 13, 2009 by j.

I don’t think I blog as much any more (not that I did that often to begin with) because of facebook and twitter. I laughed about microbloggers when twitter first came out, but the truth is that I’m addicted to knowing what everyone is doing at every minute of the day. It pleases my inner control freak.

So mother’s day came and went. I was a bad daughter this year and didn’t pick out anything terribly thoughtful for my mom. I took her out to lunch at a Thai restaurant, and I bought her a giant bouquet from Whole Foods which was very lovely and expensive… but in an unplanned twist, I wasn’t charged for it at the store so technically my thieving ass paid not one shiny penny for my lovely mama and I should be in jail.

To make up for it, I’ll make a list of things that my mom gave me:
- Bad circulation and low blood pressure.
- Cold skin. Our skin is always oddly cool to the touch, even when it’s 100 degrees out.
- The tendency to hold my arms up prairie dog style. My mom does it. I do it. I don’t know why.
- Pinky toes that turn outwards like lima beans. This caused me to get teased as a child.
- The ability to look genuinely confused when it’s beneficial to do so.

If that list sounds terrible, it’s because I don’t feel like I’ve yet lived up to the good things that she’s tried to give me through her own example:
- A compassionate heart.
- Kindness towards the timid and soft-spoken, and the ability to make folks feel at ease.
- Forgiveness towards the brash.
- A careful eye for planning and organization.
- The ability to put someone else before herself.
- The ability to eat much and yet stay slim. THANKS DAD.
- Freckles.

I’ll keep trying, Mom. Love you.

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April 15, 2009 by j.

Doing taxes on the last day, of course. This (courtesy of TaxAct.com) is not helping my self-esteem any:

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April 14, 2009 by j.

Overhead at a restaurant recently:
Waiter: Do you want this wrapped up?
Teenage boy: Nope.
* waiter leaves*
Mother: God, you’re so wasteful. What, do you think food grows on trees?

Pahaha. I’ve been really busy lately doing work and …. not work. I’d really rather not talk about work, because a) you’ll die of boredom reading it, and b) I’ll go into a black rage talking about it. But in other work-like news, please see my latest “work” here. If you follow me on facebook or twitter, you’ve probably already seen it.

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March 23, 2009 by j.

I am seriously going to write more here. I keep forgetting to!

Heard on the Today show the other day:

Meredith Vieira: Do you twitter? Do you tweet?
Stephen Colbert: I have twotted.
Meredith Vieira: Oh my god.

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March 23, 2009 by j.

Spent the weekend eating, boozing, singing, lasertagging, surprising (SUPPLIES!!), and eating some more. I organized a giant birthday shindig for three of my dear friends - Alex, Eric, and Kevin. Folks came from NYC, Philly, Baltimore, and Atlanta to attend what ended up being a 36-hour party extravaganza - here is a picture of the guys after they showed up and were very surprised to find 30 of their closest friends crouching around ninja-style in a suburban hibachi restaurant, freaking out the chefs-with-flying-knives and scaring white people:

February 18, 2009 by j.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted.. It’s been a very busy month or two. Notably:

- The Inauguration of President Barack Obama. Only one of the most important days in the history of this young country. I hoofed it downtown with Doug and 2 million of my closest friends, and we stood shoulder-to-shoulder in the 17-degree cold and watched Obama take his oath. A very moving experience. It was like a rock concert down there.. folks were pimped out with baseball caps and beanies emblazoned with OBAMA in glittery text.. people stretched tee-shirts bearing Obama’s face over their puffy ski jackets. Enterprising young folks sold every variety of button, flag, tee-shirt, and commemorative poster that you can imagine - some celebrating Obama, others celebrating Michelle.. let’s not forget, the girls, the First Dog, the first family, the white house, the black population in general, etc etc. I also saw a young woman selling earrings - one dangling Obama head from each ear - and a young man celebration inaugural condoms bearing Obama’s image (McCain’s might have been more effective, don’t you think?)

- The final show of The Speaks. Each band member growing in their own way, the band decided to close out their run by playing their final show at the 9:30 Club. A very fun night! I wish everyone good juju as they move forward with their musical careers, but especially so for my dear friend Derek, aka “the drummer”. Love you and want everything good for you!

- Visited Vegas for WPPI photographer’s convention, masterclasses, and trade show. MGM Grand, baby! I attended some amazing technical classes, I met some photographers who create the most mindblowing images (they’re not the best in the world for nothing!), I made some great new friends, and I came back re-energized, ready to rebrand myself and take my company in a new direction. If you promise me to never stop reaching for your dreams, I will promise you the same! Thank you for everything, Kevin and Alycia.

And now.. it is time to catch up on some sleep. (I literally just walked in the door from Vegas! zzzz….)

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January 13, 2009 by j.

You know it’s been a good night when it ends like this….
Drunk girl: Have a nice night!
Joe: Thanks! You have a nice night too!
Drunk girl: (grabs own boobs) WHAT?! YOU THINK I HAVE SMALL TITS????
Joe: WHAT??? NO!!!
Josh: Wegottago.

Also, this is taken from a poster at my local Starbucks - a big decorated thank-you note given to the store from some local schoolchildren. (Incidentally, what are they thanking Starbucks for? Is Starbucks giving our kids coffee??) Anyhow.. ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the overcaffeinated children of America. God help us.

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January 8, 2009 by j.

Hullo, the time has flown by and we’re already firmly planted in next year. What!?

In the days following this warm and fuzzy holiday season, I spent time looking at friends’ pictures from their holiday parties, their visits with family, reunions, etc. I realized that more and more of my friends now have growing families of their own… now that their little ones are no longer babies but are children, the reality that we’re all now adults (omigod) is that much clearer. Remember the very first time you did something that felt remarkably adult? Corked a bottle of wine and drank it out of your own proper wine glass, for instance.. or bought some shmancy kitchen gear that you didn’t need but rather wanted. Didn’t you feel a bit like it was playing pretend? Well I think we’ve reached a point where it’s not pretend any more, and it’s time to own up that this really is our time. We are the kings of the world! The masters of the universe! This is our time! Huzzah!! Suck on that, 2009!

Interestingly, some pictures I look at of friends holding their young children… my perspective flips and I’m brought back to my own memories of being a teenager and flipping through old photo albums, of pictures of myself as a baby and of my folks before I was born. How young mom looked, how sexy! Look how long her legs are, and those SHOES!! My mom wouldn’t be caught dead in stilettos today, but there’s photographic proof that she was a foxy lil thing before I came along. Bellbottoms and long gypsy hair, platform stilettos, the whole foxy 70s bit. Hot! (No wonder she snorts when I try to impress her with my shoes.) Every photo that we take today, we will shock and surprise our kids with one day - whether it’s a good surprise or a bad surprise is another story. Think on that.

Things I have learned over the last month:

-I have the greatest friends in the world. <-- cheeeeeeesy!
-I have angels watching me (This keeps me up at night. I don't like being watched.)
-A giraffe can drink up to 12 gallons of water in one session. Its heart is 2 feet long!
-Saying NYE is so much cooler than saying new years eve.
-Gingerbread men and gingerbread women lead dark personal lives.
-Ann Coulter looks a lot like that crazy lady that divorced Paul McCartney and then dragged him through court. I guess crazy has a "look" after all.
-Love without drama is just about the nicest surprise ever.
-I am happy.

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December 16, 2008 by j.

She sat with crossed legs by the Christmas tree, idly humming wordless Christmas tunes.. sometimes humming the melody, sometimes the harmony. Who can tell the difference anyway.. her only audience is a chubby little beagle who has snuggled up under a fuzzy pillow and is sighing contentedly in sleep.

The lights of the tree cast a soft glow on the stack of naked Christmas gifts waiting to be clothed, and the smooth rolls of pretty patterned paper restfully awaiting their holiday destiny. There are decisions to be made. The green paper should go with the gold ribbon. Hmm.. the striped paper matches the green paper too… she’ll wrap the books in those and tie them together with a bit of string. That big box for dad gets the Santa paper, definitely. The next several hours pass in gentle silence, with only the sounds of wrapping punctuating the stillness. She happily wraps gift after gift. Unroll and smooth. Cut. Fold. Tape. Cut. Tie. Tape. Cut. Tape. Tape. Tape.

Finally the stacks of presents sit proudly in their new colorful garb. She stands up, stretches her stiff muscles, and smooths her rumpled pants before beginning to put everything away, when ….. oh no! Several very large holes gape back at her from the legs of her pants, the abashed skin peeking through shyly. Stupid overzealous scissors!!!

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